“Whoooo…!” to “Whooo yeahhhhh….!” to just “Yeahhhhh!”
never put a gift poop in your mouth. never punch a gift horse in the face. wait, how does that saying go…?
“have you seen my shoes?”
they’re under the couch.
“i looked under the couch.”
well, they were there…
“maybe i just laid down on the couch…”
upon pulling her hair, so she’ll stop biting me and instead get ready for work:
“wouldn’t it be great if i didn’t have any hair right here [points to back crown of her head]?”
no, it wouldn’t.
“excuse me, it appears i’m bleeding from a hole between my legs. excuse me while i go to the bathroom & stuff some cotton in there.”
upon a monthly visit…